Welcome, everybody to “On the Air With Patrick Lee in a Chair”, the only show where the host is guaranteed to be seated the whole time. Now, there are a lot of reasons I might want to sit down; but mostly because I’d rather not stand. My father always told me that standing was the poor man’s sitting, and Lord knows I’m not standing up for this. We’re going to be talking about fake news today, so naturally we had to go on a hunt for most the clickbait, hideous piece of “reporting” that we could find. Here’s the best one we found.
(article appears on screen behind)
Let’s just… let’s just take a second to break this article down. Why don’t we start with the headline. “Africans are poor because when it rains they think of sex instead of farming”... there’s a lot there… there’s a lot going on.This is fake, but I think that the worst part about it is that it sounds like something that Trump could really say three shots deep at a karaoke bar.
(speaking as Donald Trump; slurring)
Toto... I wanna hear Africa by Toto…
(intro to Africa, by Toto plays)
I’ve never felt any rain in Africa… when it does they probably don’t know what to do with themselves… they probably think “Why would I stay out here when I could go home and plow”
(laughing at his own joke)
You know that I mean? I’m so funny... those poor poor tiny little men…
(trailing off; mumbling)
(switching to normal speaking voice)
Now, let’s take a look at the actual piece of writing. The article basically says that Trump hates all Africans because they’re dumb and lazy, and that the root of their problem is that they just can’t seem to focus on farming when it’s important. And according to a “direct”, sourceless, and grammatically flawed quote, Donald Trump thinks that “The best they (Africans) can do is gallivanting around streets, lamenting how they were colonised”.
This fake news article sounds more eloquent than the person who invented the whole idea of fake news! If that’s not irony I don’t know what is.
I don’t think that this website really has anyone convinced that Trump thinks all of these things… at least not out loud. But how do we know that this isn’t a real news article? I mean, it sure looks like something that could be published on MSNBC or something, right? This at least looks like it might be credible. Well right now, we’re viewing the article with AdBlock on. Why don’t we try and read it with AdBlock off.
(removes AdBlock; obscene advertisements cover large portions of the screen)
That’s more like it! Apologies to the web design students in the audience whose blood pressure is probably through the roof right now. These advertisements look like a random cut and paste job of the worst headlines you’d get if you dumped a supermarket tabloid bin into a shredder. For those of you in the back who might not get the privilege of reading all of these headlines, I’ll read off my favorite ones. “Zookeeper Threw a Ball to Lion. The Unexpected Happen”, “Best Charities” which is sponsored by “cheapdeals.com”, and my personal favorite: “A Man Became Pregnant and The Reason Why Is Incredible”. Now, these headlines are meant to be provocative, so that it can take you to another page with even more ads when you click on it. And clearly, they’d fill that box on the fake news checklist. But they’re also very clearly fake if you just take a closer look at them. This one over here, the ever specific “Last Photos Taken Seconds Before Tragedy Struck”, has a photo of a polar bear that’s supposed to be biting the head of this lady in the water over here, but it’s clearly just an edited photo if you look for even a second, this woman’s lady looks like she got clipped out of an Ironman race promo pic.
If these photos aren’t ringing all the fake news bells in your head, then the lack of information definitely should. This article doesn’t cite any sources; the author didn’t put their name on it. Look, if the article you’re reading would get in F if a middle school student turned it in as an essay on current events, it probably isn’t true. And even if it was, do you really think that “Mzansi LIVE” (where this article is from), a website whose tagline is “Real Life Drama in Mzansi” would really be the only one with something to say about this? If Trump really said this in any context whatsoever, you’d have to be a pretty brain dead reporter not to cover it. My point is, if this sketchy website is really the only one that’s reporting on this story, you can probably count on it not being true. And even though they don’t support their information with credible sources, and don’t even corroborate something that any other news outlets are covering, they sure have a lot of ways to share the article. I count over a dozen buttons on this page that share this article on various social media platforms when you click them. It’s almost like… they get advertising revenue … every time someone opens the article…
This is a pretty severe example, but fake news like this gets taken for fact all the time, every day. Do everybody a big favor, don’t believe this, don’t share it, and don’t turn off AdBlock. Thank you everybody, goodnight.
She’s always been an unairbrushed model
Possessing pure perfections but frequently filled with flaws
He’s always been a talkative shy guy
Constantly conversing but secretly seeking silence
She was born precious and protected like a princess
And the royal family’s love knew no bounds
He was more born struggling in a sea of sorrows,
And with every year came a new wave of troubles
She grew up as a bumble bee
In a field filled with flowers
Each pretty plant helping her grow
But no matter how many were blown away
She could always find more
He grew up as a puzzle piece
But had a few extra tabs
And not enough blanks
So no matter how hard he tried
He could never fit in
She had big dreams, giant dreams, planet-sized dreams
Ones where she would travel the globe
Experiencing every experience even the experimental ones
Because she wanted regret to be just a fantasy
And the wonderful wonders of the world
To be no longer wonders but reality
While the only thing he wanted
Was a lemonade stand
So he could make a profit off his problems
But that possibility was preposterous
Probably because he could sadly never
Sell more than his stock
Even though these two individuals were incomparable
They happened to cross paths one day
But there was no love at first sight
They were no star-crossed lovers from some Shakespearean play
Instead it took over a year
For it to become crystal clear
That they had something unique
Like the way their palms were made to fit each other's
To her, he was a pair of jetpack boots
Allowing her to ascend new heights
Uncharted highs that she never thought
She would ever be able to reach
If not for the help of him
To him, she was a magical wand
Morphing him from a dull gray moth
To a vibrant butterfly
That extruded extrovert even if,
At times it was unwanted
But jetpack boots can go much higher than a butterfly can
So just like their altitude, their love was one sided
Even still, throughout the months
He saw her as a star
Not just because she was hot stuff or out of this world
But because whenever he was led astray
He could look up to her to find his way
Since she would always be there
To guide him through dark days
Yet the thing he wanted the most
Was to snatch that star from the sky
Not to keep her light away from others
But because his cold heart
Only felt warmth when next to hers
But since she laid in his hand
The stars could never align
So it was only a matter of time
Until she fell through the cracks of his hand
Steadily, like hourglass sand
Down to another man or a different land
He may never know
But that didn’t matter
The important thing was
That she was gone
Just another memory
Joining all the others
That he had already forgotten
But unlike the rest, she had repercussions
She was what the others associated him with
As if she was the glue that bonded all of his friendships
And with her absence, he once again became nonexistent
Because she wasn’t just his star
She was his big bang
She’s what made him matter
And without her
he was the opposite of what she once was
But collapsed on itself
Darkness denser than ever
A black hole
But black holes are pretty lonely
Anything that gets near gets absorbed
Even light particles and sound waves
So it must be pretty quiet inside a black hole
Maybe that’s the sweet silence I’ve been secretly seeking for
In my eyes, when I think of adventurous, it means physically taking action in a risky sport or an activity that threatens your life. Well, I know adventurous can be viewed as a mental battle, but I’ll give you an insight of how adventure fits into my life. There’s only so many stories to share about my adventure in my life, so here’s just one story dating back to my childhood, pretty far back.
I opened the door and a pungent odor hit me; rubber. It was oddly nostalgic for such a chemical smell. Now, chattering started to fill my ears, unlike the silence of the registration lobby. Behind me, the door shut with a click as I tightened the buckles of my harness. I haven’t worn one of these since I was six. I looked forward, and there it was: the little corner, heavily matted with the largest of holds attached to the shortest of walls. Little children were climbing it like I had once before.
All around me, I was surrounded by climbing walls, the artificial structures that mimicked the outdoor rock. Holds came in different colors and sizes, each labelled with a length of vibrant tape and numbers. Off to my left stood the largest picture windows, letting in the brightest of light. Tinkle-tinkle. Up above, a trainer to my right tapped the small metal bell that hung above him by neon red nylon. He released his grip on the wall and descended while pushing off with the soles of his feet. Well, now it’s my turn. My turn to train for adventure.
I stepped forward and noticed my shoes. Oh, how I hated them. They looked like the most ugliest variation of ballet shoes except with rubber soles and velcro. Anyways, I walked toward a bench where chalk was supplied in stout cylindrical bags. I stuck my fingers in, and pulled out the cold fine chalk. When I rubbed my hands, they became white as paper. I positioned my hands side by side, leveled them to my face and blew. White particles began to float in the air creating fumes and blur my vision. I know, it was a bad idea.
Now, to get onto training. I called over a staff to assist me as a belayer for my safety rope. She smiled and asked me if I’ve ever rock climbed outdoors. I responded no and it was my first to rock climb indoors since many years. Here in this part of the gym, there were no safety mats to land on or large holds to depend on. One day, I will take my climbing to the real mountains and show my inner adventurousness.
Although I probably won’t climb real mountains (due to the disagreement of my parents), I can still express adventurousness without possibly giving myself a death wish. Through a different perspective of myself, I believe I can communicate adventure into the arts by taking risks to trying different styles that I’m not familiar with. I’ve noticed that everyone is adventurous in their own way and have to be in certain points of life. With that said, I encourage you to try something new.
Money, you’re my best friend, yet my worst enemy
So I’m not alluding to the disney movie, when I call you my frenemy
Since the minute I was born I knew who you were
The popular girl that all the guys prefer
The star that I was always told to strive for
Because anyone without you was considered poor
And 16 years later you are still my bae
I know it sounds cliche
But I studied so hard with no play
To get those A’s so that one day
I could go to college and get a job with high pay
all in the hopes of obtaining you
But what causes you to be so—[f***ing]—special
What allows you to consume every single second of my life
What makes you so important that I have to devote everything
to getting you just so I can ask someone I love to be my wife
They say you can’t buy happiness
But the fact that you have to is what causes sadness
Because not everyone is born with a lot of you
Not everyone can buy a house, a car, or a single shoe
Not everyone can buy clothes or enough food to make a simple stew
So screw you
Money, you may be green but you make so many people blue
But even still, you are what the world looks up to
Every single day, more people pray that they can play with you
And are then led astray by their own greed
Because they all seem to think that you are something they need
And just because you’re addictive and green like weed
Does not mean you should dictate when we succeed
It’s mind blowing how much you’ve brainwashed society
How you’ve stripped away our individuality
and left us with you as our only priority
how you’ve taken down the gods from their pedestals
And made people only faithful to the digits and the decimals
I do not understand
And because I can not comprehend
Your power I am slowly becoming your tool
I only have two years left of school
But after that there are many more to go
Because I have to go to college to get a high cash flow
And even though I may start my major in computer science I’ll probably move it to law
Because the thirst for you is everyone’s biggest flaw
You are supposed to make the world go round so why,
Why do I have to trade my dreams for a decent salary
Why do I have to live every single second as a fake me
Why do I have to strive for something that I don’t want to be
Is it just, so that when I grow up you are what I see?
This concept of getting to the point where I can make it rain
is something that I hate
Because if I only put my effort into the things that I love
Then how am I ever supposed to precipitate
Money, I am forced to have you as my best friend
But you will always be my most despised enemy
Spring. Coda. Encore.
Nature’s endless sonata
Slumber’s wake like finale’s end
A new phrase. Pleading tone.
An exposition like no other
Spring’s sweet glissando
Dolce. Dewdrops. Honey.
Adoration. Rejection. Regret.
Mournful tears of joy will never forget
Mist hangs on the fresh green fields
Birds chirp staccatos
Wind blows legatos
A homophony of melodies
Where lies ring and echo
pierce through each leaf each petal
Where spring brands a heart-shaped tune
To live, Desperation.
The melody’s last implore.
Summer. Unknown harmony.
Storm of sun shines bright
Like the thunder booming
Hear me here. Me
Sound but no sight
Without the slightest warning
Utter chaos. Crazy.
Summer’s interval longing. Last
A strange impromptu of yearning.
A false scherzo of spring.
Just only an interlude.
And yet the fiery passion
Desire holds true
A pitiful happy symphony
A lasting effect
Indeed a Short Sonatina
Farewell to all
The end is near
A small goodbye
Of seasons, Counterpoint.
Like the moonset. Fall
Winter. A monotone.
The heat and pressure
Ice. Cold. Torrid hail.
And yet a polyphony
Blood-stained ink. Pure lotus trail.
Grace of Grave
A fugue of white
Requiem for the yet living
A yearning. Nothing.
Harmonious but still
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NAHS is looking for artwork to be featured in their gallery show on April 13th! If you have any work you would like to submit, please email Lena Stavig for more information.